Monday, April 13, 2015

Untold TOP SECRETof my life...

'The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.'
 I had fears like when I was 10 years old where I was diagnosed having a cyst on my kidney. Every time my father and mother used to take me to a nearest BHU(Basic Health Unit). I was also referred to Jigme Dorji Wangchuk Referral hospital. I would be happy despite of the pain that I bear. I still remember the bad muscle cramp I had when I was invited by my uncle at his place for dinner.

I was already down on the floor, unconscious… 
My mom constantly asks me saying, ‘What was the colour of your urine today.’ I would rather tell a lie saying it was clear like a water:P. Please do not eat potatoes(Alu khanu hudaina hai nani), thats what my dad and mom says all the time. They never left me alone till I completed my primary education. 
 After that I was placed in one of the hospitality boarder school, where matron was real Angel (Thank you madam Tika for your humanity, I will never forget you in my life). My father visited me every week and he used to reach me to the hospital. Honestly,  I didn’t know that I have had a kidney disorder. I only knew that I will have a muscle cramp, swelling of face, legs and arms and tea-coloured urine.
I graduated class seven in the year of 2004, my result was excellent (that was; what my father said :P) and my mother used to keep all my documents in a file piled up. In the winter of 2004 exactly 11 years back, I realized that I am grown up so I wanted to keep all my documents with me. So, without the notice of my mom I crawled into her bed room. I mutely opened the wooden box, which was unlocked. I caught a red file. My rowdy childhood photos filled the front cover of file, I flipped hurriedly: I found all the results that I obtained in primary education, health card, birth certificate, marathon race certificate, chocolate race certificate and a huge bundle of papers. I wanted to read it. Honestly speaking, I couldn’t read clearly as doctors have scribbled something on the paper, similar like a rowdy child scribbled something crossly on the book, given to practice ABCD…I flipped the next paper. It was written: ‘Cyst on kidney.’ There was a mention of, ‘referred( ticked) to Thimphu. My mom was already saying that, I will be taken to Thimphu this year as a winter outing and I will be meeting with uncle. whom I missed him more than two years. I really didn’t like to go away from home. I had missed a lot. I closed the file, cried and cried alone, recollecting all the the life that I have.
So, on 31st of January, I can visualize everything. My mother prepared selroti(bread) to welcome Happy new year 2005. We celebrated New Year together with families at home. Next day, on 2nd of January 2005, we had booked two tickets to travel Thimphu. I left my beautiful village and reached mundane urban called Thimphu. It was already dark when we steeped out from the bus. My uncle was already waiting for our arrival.
Next day, we went hospital for checkup. My mom didn’t notify me saying that you are diagnosed as a kidney patient. But I already knew that the checkup was meant for me. I was taken in by my uncle. Nobody actually explained me well that, why I should be operated.   I was so awkward and uncomfortable during the examination and during the surgery because my surgeon is a guy. You know, I am a shy woman still today.
 Last time Dawa Knight asked me, ‘Are you a shy girl?
I said, ‘Kinda. How did you know that?’
He simply  added, ‘I am reading a book on the description of human gestures, looking at the photos that you have uploaded on face book, I can make out that you are a shy girl.’
 Yes, it’s true that I am introvert. And believe it or not as if I have other options because majority of the specialists trained on that specific area are dominated by males. So, for a patient who wants to get well, you must prepare yourself to get at ease because doctors are just doctors. They are there in a position where they should cure you and you must trust them.   
I must suffer the experience of awkwardness if I would like to be cured. So I brushed off the thoughts of negativity and I trusted my doctor during the process. It really feels awkward yet I always console that it was part of the treatment and I have nothing to be ashamed.
Honestly that time, I am in mixed emotions because I feel the fears yet the hope that I’ll be okay feeds me to stay positive. The thought to die young does occurs as well.
source: google
As the lab-gown dressed it on me, believe it or not I was injected a medicine for sleeping. I didn’t know what was happened then. Before I went to sleep, I witness the preparation for surgery. I was really nervous as the nurses preparing the apparatus for the operation. I think I had seen more than five different sizes of needle   and really, my heart beats created a hard palpitation seeing them. You can imagine a patient shivering, that’s how I was then. The surgery was lasted more than one hour I guess. I went hospital for many times, each checkup brings me a hell lot of pain in my heart.
 I swear my hands become so cold when I hear of surgery or operation. I constantly visit hospital. Last week I was said that I have a high blood pressure. So, these days I am playing table-tennis with my #GirlStudentFriendTeacher every day. Last year, I did operation of my right eye. I eye witnessed each and every step of the operation. In fact that was real painful and I cried a lot, unbearable pain.  That moment reminds me of what I feel today, I feel cold. I feel nervous. I feel upset. I feel the pain I haven’t feel. I am frightened. I am alarm. I am panic. I feel agitated. I feel deeply the life I have. Please God bless me with good health. I know, it says that health is wealth. That’s truly true. Thanks Kenchosum for blessing me with such a caring mom-dad. They provide me with optimum support, love, care and they always keeps me happy. I don’t remember the day where my dad spoke to me with an authoritarian voice, but mom does that( I don’t care…because she is my first lady best friend) if my dad does that then I will be heartbroken lolX :P. My darling girlfriends Ganga&Yangchen, cares me to optimum in absence of my parents, thanks a million darling girlfriends.
People expect me to be responsible, serious, a grown up. But do we ever grow up? No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, grow wider, we are forever stumbling…forever wondering, forever…young.
Ahh, my heart became so heavy, moving down to the memory lane and recollecting the life that I have had…
I hope I’ll be fine soon :’(
Bhuddha Bless us always _/\_

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