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| 'The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.' |
I had fears like when
I was 10 years old where I was diagnosed having a cyst on my kidney. Every time
my father and mother used to take me to a nearest BHU(Basic Health Unit). I was
also referred to Jigme Dorji Wangchuk Referral hospital. I would be happy
despite of the pain that I bear. I still remember the bad
muscle cramp I had when I was invited by my uncle
at his place for dinner.
I was already down on the floor, unconscious…
My mom constantly
asks me saying, ‘What was the colour of your urine today.’ I would rather tell
a lie saying it was clear like a water:P. Please do not eat potatoes(Alu khanu
hudaina hai nani), thats what my dad and mom says all the time. They never left
me alone till I completed my primary education.
After that I was placed in
one of the hospitality boarder school, where matron was real Angel (Thank you
madam Tika for your humanity, I will never forget you in my life). My father
visited me every week and he used to reach me to the hospital.
Honestly, I didn’t know that I have had a kidney disorder. I only
knew that I will have a muscle cramp, swelling of face, legs and arms and
tea-coloured urine.
I graduated class seven in the year of 2004, my result was
excellent (that was; what my father said :P) and my mother used to keep all my
documents in a file piled up. In the winter of 2004 exactly 11 years back, I
realized that I am grown up so I wanted to keep all my documents with me. So,
without the notice of my mom I crawled into her bed room. I mutely opened the
wooden box, which was unlocked. I caught a red file. My rowdy childhood photos
filled the front cover of file, I flipped hurriedly: I found all the results
that I obtained in primary education, health card, birth certificate, marathon
race certificate, chocolate race certificate and a huge bundle of papers. I
wanted to read it. Honestly speaking, I couldn’t read clearly as doctors have
scribbled something on the paper, similar like a rowdy child scribbled
something crossly on the book, given to practice ABCD…I flipped the next paper.
It was written: ‘Cyst on kidney.’ There was a mention of, ‘referred( ticked) to
Thimphu. My mom was already saying that, I will be taken to Thimphu this year
as a winter outing and I will be meeting with uncle. whom I missed him more
than two years. I really didn’t like to go away from home. I had missed a lot.
I closed the file, cried and cried alone, recollecting all the the life that I
have.
So, on 31st of
January, I can visualize everything. My mother prepared selroti(bread) to
welcome Happy new year 2005. We celebrated New Year together with families at
home. Next day, on 2nd of January 2005, we had booked two
tickets to travel Thimphu. I left my beautiful village and reached mundane
urban called Thimphu. It was already dark when we steeped out from the bus. My
uncle was already waiting for our arrival.
Next day, we went hospital
for checkup. My mom didn’t notify me saying that you are diagnosed as a kidney
patient. But I already knew that the checkup was meant for me. I was taken in
by my uncle. Nobody actually explained me well that, why I should be operated.
I was so awkward and uncomfortable during the examination and during the
surgery because my surgeon is a guy. You know, I am a shy woman still today.
Last time Dawa Knight
asked me, ‘Are you a shy girl?
I said, ‘Kinda. How did you
know that?’
He simply added,
‘I am reading a book on the description of human gestures, looking at the
photos that you have uploaded on face book, I can make out that you are a shy
girl.’
Yes, it’s true that I
am introvert. And believe it or not as if I have other options because majority
of the specialists trained on that specific area are dominated by males. So,
for a patient who wants to get well, you must prepare yourself to get at ease
because doctors are just doctors. They are there in a position
where they should cure you and you must trust them.
I must suffer the
experience of awkwardness if I would like to be cured. So I brushed off the
thoughts of negativity and I trusted my doctor during the process. It really feels
awkward yet I always console that it was part of the treatment and I have
nothing to be ashamed.
Honestly that time, I am in
mixed emotions because I feel the fears yet the hope that I’ll be okay feeds me
to stay positive. The thought to die young does occurs as well.
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| source: google |
As the lab-gown dressed it
on me, believe it or not I was injected a medicine for sleeping. I didn’t
know what was happened then. Before I went to sleep, I witness the preparation
for surgery. I was really nervous as the nurses preparing the apparatus for the
operation. I think I had seen more than five different sizes of needle
and really, my heart beats created a hard palpitation seeing them.
You can imagine a patient shivering, that’s how I was then. The surgery
was lasted more than one hour I guess. I went hospital for many times,
each checkup brings me a hell lot of pain in my heart.
I swear my hands
become so cold when I hear of surgery or operation. I constantly visit
hospital. Last week I was said that I have a high blood pressure. So, these
days I am playing table-tennis with my #GirlStudentFriendTeacher every day.
Last year, I did operation of my right eye. I eye witnessed each and every step
of the operation. In fact that was real painful and I cried a lot, unbearable
pain. That moment reminds me of what I feel today, I feel cold. I
feel nervous. I feel upset. I feel the pain I haven’t feel. I am frightened. I
am alarm. I am panic. I feel agitated. I feel deeply the life I have. Please
God bless me with good health. I know, it says that health is wealth. That’s
truly true. Thanks Kenchosum for blessing me with such a caring mom-dad. They
provide me with optimum support, love, care and they always keeps me happy. I
don’t remember the day where my dad spoke to me with an authoritarian voice,
but mom does that( I don’t care…because she is my first lady best friend) if my
dad does that then I will be heartbroken lolX :P. My darling girlfriends
Ganga&Yangchen, cares me to optimum in absence of my parents, thanks a
million darling girlfriends.
People expect me to
be responsible, serious, a grown up. But do we ever grow up? No matter how much
we grow taller, grow older, grow wider, we are forever stumbling…forever
wondering, forever…young.
Ahh, my heart became so heavy, moving
down to the memory lane and recollecting the life that I have had…
I
hope I’ll be fine soon :’(
Bhuddha
Bless us always _/\_
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