An Open Letter to My Little Girl, Raegan

Dear Raegan,

I still struggle to comprehend that you are FIVE. Wasn’t it just yesterday I was in the labor room for five long days, trying to deliver you naturally? In the end, I had to opt for an emergency C-section, and on 1st October at 4:43 am, I finally held you in my arms. You weighed 3.08 kgs, with eyes that looked exactly like your daddy’s. Despite the pain and exhaustion, meeting you was the happiest moment of my life.

This photo was taken when you were just 3 months old, a time of both love and loss. We had just lost your aunty, and we stayed in the quarantine center for 7 days before we could finally go home from Thimphu. Even in that heavy moment, your tiny smile brought light into our hearts. 💔

You were born during the peak of COVID-19, and only daddy was with me in the hospital. Uncle Uttam, mommy’s childhood friend (and your birthday twin), helped us so much, while your boju (grandma) stayed home making soup and healthy food for me. I stayed in the hospital for four days, desperately wanting to go home. My lactation was poor, so the doctors wanted me to stay longer, but I emotionally pleaded with them until they agreed. For 14 days we fed you lactogen until your tiny tummy got too tight and the pediatrician told us to stop immediately.

This photo was taken when you were 8 months old you could already smile so beautifully, and those two tiny front teeth made it even cuter. 

You were such a calm baby, and you know hilariously if you cried, all we had to do was lay you on the cradle or sofa and magically, you’d stop. Isn’t all this just like yesterday? How can it have been five years already?

Truth be told, there haven’t always been easy, yet when I look back, there is so much joy. Watching you grow has been a delight seeing your mind, heart, and imagination bloom has been the greatest gift. Your love for learning is boundless. You’re so intelligent sometimes pretending not to be, just to drive me crazy! You get excited about drawing (even your teacher says you love it so much and do it so perfectly). You always want perfection.

One of the best habits you’ve had since day one is your sleep routine. We never faced any difficulty putting you to bed you’d fall asleep before 7 pm, even with the loudest music around, and wake up fresh at 5 am. On the second day of your fifth birthday, we were invited to dinner at my uncle’s house. It was raining cats and dogs, and while everyone was chatting away, you fell asleep so early. When raindrops fell on your face, you didn’t even stir just slept through it like a little angel. Now you’ve grown more thoughtful; you even let us sleep in! Back when you were younger, you’d make sure we were up the moment you opened your eyes.

This photo was taken when we took your grandpa and grandma to Paro

If there’s one thing you must improve, it’s your eating habits. You’re the pickiest eater I know! You only like Pringles, chicken, broccoli, potato datshi, and sag. From fruits, you’ll eat apples, watermelon, cucumber, and bananas, but any other fruit? You act like it’s from another planet. Feeding you has always been a full-time job for mama! 😅

This year marks your last year in pre-primary, and your tutors at the ECCD center have been so kind and loving. Every time I see them caring for you, my heart just melts I always whisper a little thank you in my heart. I was furious when the government changed the PP admission age from 5 to 6, you would have been 5 years and 4 months young by the time of admission, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you waiting another year. I fumed every time I saw news about it! And then, on your birthday, as if the universe was listening, came the best news ever, the PP admission age was changed back to 5 years old! What a divine birthday gift. I honestly felt like the universe was testing my patience or maybe the higher authorities were just waiting for your birthday to surprise us! 😂

I honestly felt like the universe was testing my patience or waiting for your birthday to surprise us. 😂

Next year, you’ll be admitted to class PP, and mama is still confused about whether to send you to a government or private school. Either way, you’ll learn independence now, my chori, because formal school isn’t quite like ECCD. But I know you and you know me and only I know just how much I love you.

Second year in ECCD and that big smile says it all!

This 5th birthday was extra special we had almost four days of holiday, so we celebrated in the village with family. You were so excited, especially while shopping, when you picked your Kuromi dress yourself. You wanted everything Kuromi the decorations, even the cake. I baked the cake myself, and on the way, it nearly got spoiled. Daddy was so nervous, saying, “Let’s not even display this cake, it looks weird!” 😅 But of course we did, and you loved it anyway. Thulo mama and daddy did the decorations while I helped Maiju in the kitchen. The birthday was amazing, full of laughter, blessings, and love.

These photos were taken on your 5th birthday, a day filled with love, laughter, and blessings we’ll cherish forever. 💕

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Keep being you, my baby girl. God made you just right. Continue being the lively, passionate, creative soul you are. Keep playing, drawing, reading, and learning. I love you with all my heart.

Xoxo,
Mama 💖

Five Years Later: Surviving, Loving, Flowing^^

Dear blog,

It has been such a long, long time since I last came here. The last post I published was back in 2020, and now, as we approach the end of 2025, here I am again. And thanks for being with me.

So much has happened in my life in the past five years. The only achievement I feel I’ve made in these past five years is that I am surviving, and I am moving with the flow of life, sometimes with ease, sometimes with struggle, but always with love.

Since I got married to my husband, I thought that I was sharing my dukh and sukh(my sorrows and joys),  with him.  That's the reason why I ignored this small space. But today, my heart ached in a way I wasn’t prepared for. My cousin sister had been staying with us for almost a month, and during that time, my little girl became so deeply attached to her. Yesterday, when she left, my baby cried her heart out. Watching her cry broke me from within.

As I held my baby, I couldn’t help but think, what if I had a sister of my own? Growing up, I was the only girl in my family. I was given the privilege, shored with love, and I also carried the responsibilities of a daughter from a very young age. I envy the photos of beautiful sisters together because I never knew the bond of sisters. Today, I find myself wondering: if I had one, would she be here by my side? Would she love my baby the way my cousin did? Would my daughter have that special aunty sister bond every day?

My heart aches because I don’t have the answer. But I do know this, sometimes life gives us chosen sisters, not by birth but by bond. My cousin reminded me of that.

And my baby, who is just 10 days away from her 5th birthday. As you always say, "You are my best mommy in the world", so you are darling. You are strong and fierce, shy yet confident, and you have a heart that feels deeply, and that's the greatest gift you own. At this juncture, you love drawing, whereby your behaviour aligns with your daddy, who is slow but has perfection at the end. However, you hate eating (something that worries me every single day).

You are growing so fast, and though moments like today bring pain, they also remind me how much love your little heart can hold.

In her small world, Kuromi is the biggest joy.

This blog is mommy's diary, so that someday, when you read it, you’ll know how much you mean to me, how much I notice about you, and how deeply I love you.

Xoxo,

Mama <3